Untitled #2

I feel like captivating the essence of that object that hinders our ability to make sensible choices! I want to mold it and explore all the wrong doings in moments that will for sure leave me broken! The repetitive conclusion of my thoughts have me scared to take that step forward! I feel inexperienced. Like an adolescent trying it for the first time, minus that carefree attitude that no longer resides in my conscious! There's consideration for others now! The worry of not just your heart but that of the other participant is now in the blender! We want to push mix and not the crush button! An even and compromised drink is what we are in search for! It's when it comes out lumpy with shards of ice that your beverage comes out unsatisfactory! 

Perhaps the greatness that others see in me is the greatness I need to explore among myself! It's difficult to view such greatness , when all u see is fear! Fear of the possibility of it failing. Not only failing but being the reason or cause of the failure! I'm constructed of many invaluable traits but like everyone else there are a counter balance to such a great personality! Finding someone to be able to embrace those short-comings is... Well I guess it's something that people wait a lifetime for! 

I'm famished with thoughts of inadequacy! Love me for who I am so that I may love myself more! It's wrong but thats the way it is! Masochistically living the lies of my peers! Living vicariously through there actions and lives. To go back to nothingness and empty sheets! Sacred kisses that take me away to my sanctuary of delusive moments in a time that ran parallel with reality! Ego boosters that dwell in my well being constantly seem to get their way with my thoughts and suddenly take control of my brain and maneuver it to a location of total simulation! I see myself looking from the outside and feel disgusted with such an outcome! Easily manipulated to believe in oneself! I'm empty full of hollow hopes that creeps in my dreams and proceeds to procreate my fantasies! 

This negativity swallows me whole and oozes through the very pours that seem to want nothing more than to rise above it all! My cerebral anomaly only confesses its secrecy to these pages! My indulgence that saves the little sanity that I think remains! The sanity reciprocated by the unstable functions of this heart that beats inside my chest! All in all falling in love is hard, and loving yourself shouldn't be, but contradictions are not uncommon in this world we live in so in the event my heart is captured by someone I should inform them that like a shooting star I am commonly rare.....