The Yellow Brick Road

Moving forward into an uncertain future has its dark moments. It's suppose to be such an illuminating time for self discovery and an exploration of what ever comes along in your journey. Still there are spots in that road that has a shortage of light. The dimness that starts just before the darkness consumes everything around you is most deceiving! You feel upon approaching this dim lit area that it won't be so bad, till the ambiance turns into lightless abyss. Leaving one alone in the thoughts that manifest itself into despairing smog. Thick enough to suffocate your hearts rhythm. Powering through such a path is almost instinctual, but with some more than others we only realize once in almost a paralyzingly state that patience and steadiness of ones own soul is what prevails these short dark paths. A sense of acceptance of this patch of this abysmal land that will inevitably come across your stream of your yellow brick road, is what indeed will get you through it. 

  It's in this unscripted performance we call life that these paths appear more often than moving forward. We persevere or we die. That is our plot. We either survive long enough to appreciate death or we die before having the blissful knowledge of anything meaningful. Inexperienced in the arts of the unscripted role of life. Trust, something that we in the majority of our scenes think we have or own. Until it's broken, fragile like a piece of fine China, once it's broken the possibilities of it return to its original strength, to its own self is impossible. Yes impossible!!! You can glue that China together with the finest glue science can offer, but it will no longer be the same as when you first unpackaged it.

 Love, another strong and fickle major part of our scene! In its many forms. Family, love for ones family is a foundation of futures for most. Friendship, the summation of who you are outside your family. The people that make us who are with a sprinkle of our own uniqueness of course. The more intriguing one, (for me of course) lovers/intimate partner! Ahhh yes the ability to share a part of your soul with someone that in turn is doing the same. Deep I know, people rarely see it this way. The fickleness of love has arrived due to its saturation by the masses. Attraction is the new love, and lust is its coconspirator. 

 I'm blanketed by these thoughts and retreat within myself, as I travel this path. Uncertainty and doubt follow above like a cloud readying itself for a shower of potential pain, as to prepare me for the upcoming dimness that soon plans a tryst with my walkway. With my heart steadfast I prepare for the smog that I have passed before at all my prior dark patches and steadily remind myself, that I can get through this one, just as I have done before. Through the pain, the agonizing reminders, and the gut wrenching tightness my heart feels I will emerge back on my illumines yellow brick road scathed but unbroken... 

Trust

Trust... such a strong word! A reenforced allegiance to a person or persons. Required to divulge secrets. It's the cup that you pour your vulnerability in. It's meaning has no twist or exception. The sad thing about that is unfortunately people are the exact opposite. We are fickle. We are flaky like the snow. Although we understand the importance of trust, we still fall like ash from a cigar. Some of us are more cautious, others leave their souls to bear the repercussions of loose gifts. What's more sad is that it's inevitable that you will encounter such betrayal. We jump through all types of hoops just to prove that we are trust worthy. We please and affirm duties that someone can see how strong our loyalty is. We promise and keep secrets so that maybe someone will do the same. 

There comes a time when you continuously have your commitment questioned. Frequently tested and ask to prove yourself. Threats of expulsion and banishment linger in your chambers. Your motives are constantly catechize. Those moments are vital and can dictate the outcome of your future position in the life/lives of others. Some walls are higher than others, some will be stronger. 

I feel that the disconnect has plagued this pure raw sense of vulnerability. You can't help certain situations, all you can do is run with it. Set your foundation where ever it may be an start to build. If you are not excepted by such parties after proving yourself to them and their cause, you just simply let things go. Play your part in their lives at the capacity in which they feel comfortable. All we can do is try to be great and honor those that honor you. Genuineness can only take you so far. 

Untitled

Tell me what is it that you feel you deserve. This expectation for things in which you can't even see clearly is borderline insane. Losing sanity seems to be the realm in which you want to dwell in. Your plate is full yet you are already asking for thirds. Perhaps dropping all your distractions is what you should do. Meaningful attempts of charm appear to be washed away with the day. The next day you have to put in the same work for something that doesnt require such charm. The essence of that entire situation is the exact opposite of what it is that you seem to do. On top of all that you grieve over a situational corpse. A dead partnership that is slowly decaying in your eyes. I want this so called future life, I see it in my everyday life but I can't touch it. I'm in no position to obtain such life. I'm tired... I don't want the time to pass me by and feel disconnected from my heir. I done talking about it. Words are nothing more that oxygen wasted or binary numbers on a screen. My wants are transparent and ordinary. So this anger that I feel will soon subside and I will continue my journey through this life. This sadness will eventually dissolve into desire. I just need to find the catalyst to this metamorphosis. 

JML

That quirky smile was what pulled my attention towards you. Followed by your loud and rambunctious laughter. The look of a classy lady drinking beer. Unafraid of your surrounding filled with wolves. We were introduced by a mutual friend and although I was so nonchalant on the outside, my inside had already given up. I couldn't possibly imagine a beautiful woman like yourself giving me any type of chance. So with that grew a courage that sparked conversations easily. Your beautiful green eyes soften my resolve but I parted ways with future plans, a date!

Boy was I nervous, so nervous I screwed up the dates of the event I wanted to attend with you. You had on a blue dress that made you look beyond stunning. All my doubts seem to rush back to me like a wave at a beach. Realizing my confusion on the dates my embarrassment turned into comfort as you delivered that gracious smile. So instead we took a walk along the piers. 

We walked to what seemed to be miles, but in fact was much less. I found myself intoxicated off nerves. Spilling everything about me. I remember stoping a few times to let you speak. You just listened. Objectively and intently, laughing at my jokes and at my stories. That night didn't end well due to outside forces but it was great. 

You usually have the corniest jokes, but are super smart, greatly gifted crocheting. Great cook, and I know how much it drives you crazy how messy I can be. Super supportive, and caring. Strong willed with a clear sight on what it is you desired from life. Your personality was unmatched and that drove my curiosity further which motivated me to get to know you more. 

Further down some months after being established, your birthday approached. Sneaking around calling your friends and getting info about other friends to attend a dinner for your born day. The run arounds to pick up the heaviest cake I've ever seen. The chauffeuring to your absolute favorite restaurant. I was so ready to see you cry, and as you walk in you see your friends that I've met, a couple of my friends that you have met. Then from out of nowhere comes your best friend who you haven't seen for some time and as she approaches you turn quickly to me in wonder. You two embrace for the first time in ages. There goes the tears. We dine the night away with laughter and smiles. We ate that delicious, and heavy cake. It took 3 Asian ladies to bring that cake out! 

As we stood in the hotel room balcony, we chatted idly about the nights events. You asked me how I got your friend there if I've never even met her. I explain my mission. I decided to give you your last gift in private. I took out a box and said gently "happy birthday". The bracket simmered in the light. As you put it on I hugged you from behind and asked you if you remembered what I said I would do for your birthday? You turned and flashed those bright beautiful greens and said "yes, you said you would make it memorable" 

A Silent Conversation

The taste of your lips linger on mine like honey on a spoon. I savor it like it will be the last time I will ever have it. Just as the moment fades you replenish my lips with another dose of your angelic like lips. Your perfume intoxicates me, filling me with lustful thoughts. Watching you as you turn away and start to walk away. Calmly but firmly I take ahold of your wrist, applying the right pressure that translates into "we're not done" 

The gaze that fall upon our eyes in silence is louder and clearer than any words that we could exchange. That crippling feeling I get as you caress me, that moment that we are intertwined with your embrace is the bliss that only the Gods can describe. The fullness of your ass finds its way in my hands. The delightful sound of your soft moan escapes from you and you try to capture it with that exotic smirk followed by a gentle whisper in my ear commanding me to squeeze it one more time. Clothes start to disappear and my tongue finds its way in places that has you letting all your moans walk free from their prisons! Your commands are no longer whispers but admissions of pleasure. You pull me up and commence to take control. As you guide me inside you let out a gratifying sigh. Your incantations of moans was the melody that I've waited all day for. As the ride nears its conclusion we both look at each other's eyes with an almost a primal stare, the explosion arrives with perfect timing as we clench each other. 

Standing there watching the sun bless your skin with a shimmery glow that complements every curve you have sends chills through my essence. The glow appears to come from the sweat that you amassed while pleasuring me. I printed a composite sketch of your beauty deep into the depths of my mind and shared it with my soul. As I lie next to you hearing you collect your breath, I gently lean in and whisper in your ear very sensually and ask you to imprison me once more with your kiss...

    

Which One Are You

I just can't explain it. This emptiness I seem to carry like a new born child coming home for the first time. I carry it carefully and aware of all but focused mainly on it. I talk about it as if it was an enemy that resides within my inner circle. It's so close to me and I can't seem to let it go. It makes me question things that I felt positively sure of. Am I a person who loves thy self enough. I put myself in these emotionally dangerous situations and act as if I won't be the one to lose. I am supremely ill-equipped to survive a over aggressive heartache. I just want passion and sexual pleasures. Structured relationships can work if and only if both parties want that. Do you ever stop to think, what it is that you really want.

Impersonal tryst with people that mean nothing to you but a pleasure stop. Why do you pursue such falsified fulfillment. Those intimate sessions that last for a collection of minutes seem unworthy for such a wonderful soul. Why does the possibility of pain so scary. Have we not endured it before. If so, we already have the proof that we can get pass it. Isn't the the mystical wonders of love and life all in the attempts we take. If there is any magic in this world any higher power, shouldn't it reside in the attempt to get to know someone and share that magic together within each other. If it doesn't work then it's not a waste but an experience that has bettered you not make you bitter. 

I understand that vulnerability is something powerful. I know we guard ourselves from it. We tell people that we should always keep a piece of us to ourselves. How can you truly love someone if you don't give your all to them. Those hollow attempts seem to be a waste of time. A fickle notion that crumbles with the breathe of vacant lovers that are incapable of getting on that ride of complete honesty. So which are you, the courageous one that stares pain in the face and says if failure is in my future at least I truly loved, or are you the one that speaks half truths by objectifying the sweet nectars that love provides yet only donate the bare minimum 

A Great Moment

1:33:39
Amidst this greenery that stretches across our sights, there's a beauty that overshadows mother natures wonders. Another creation of hers that seemingly can confine the hearts of the most noble and deserving. The sun lies upon such beauty's face, bringing a shimmer of light to the golden brown of her hair that resembles fields of brown sugar. Complimented by a fullness of lips that has enslaved the opposition with the involuntary motion of self lubrication applied by her tongue. The trees dance as the wind plays them the most enchanting song of life. Same breeze glides gently onto her soft skin. Almost molesting her body as her loose blouse grips firmly against her small and pleasant body. I glance up at her to see her with closed eyes and a smile that casts angels down from there heavens. Observing her enjoying the winds work on her. A small bit of jealousy entranced me for a instant, allowing Mother Nature that bred such beauty come and have its way with her, I smirked to those feelings and place my hand gently on her silk like cheek still warm from the Suns blessings. I leaned in and without hesitation she leaned in with me as if our minds were in sync. Lost in the passion of our kiss, your bottom lip in between mine, and your upper lip clamped down on mine, only pulling away millimeters at a time. Lasting the longest seconds we have ever experienced for it is now 1:33:45