Which One Are You

I just can't explain it. This emptiness I seem to carry like a new born child coming home for the first time. I carry it carefully and aware of all but focused mainly on it. I talk about it as if it was an enemy that resides within my inner circle. It's so close to me and I can't seem to let it go. It makes me question things that I felt positively sure of. Am I a person who loves thy self enough. I put myself in these emotionally dangerous situations and act as if I won't be the one to lose. I am supremely ill-equipped to survive a over aggressive heartache. I just want passion and sexual pleasures. Structured relationships can work if and only if both parties want that. Do you ever stop to think, what it is that you really want.

Impersonal tryst with people that mean nothing to you but a pleasure stop. Why do you pursue such falsified fulfillment. Those intimate sessions that last for a collection of minutes seem unworthy for such a wonderful soul. Why does the possibility of pain so scary. Have we not endured it before. If so, we already have the proof that we can get pass it. Isn't the the mystical wonders of love and life all in the attempts we take. If there is any magic in this world any higher power, shouldn't it reside in the attempt to get to know someone and share that magic together within each other. If it doesn't work then it's not a waste but an experience that has bettered you not make you bitter. 

I understand that vulnerability is something powerful. I know we guard ourselves from it. We tell people that we should always keep a piece of us to ourselves. How can you truly love someone if you don't give your all to them. Those hollow attempts seem to be a waste of time. A fickle notion that crumbles with the breathe of vacant lovers that are incapable of getting on that ride of complete honesty. So which are you, the courageous one that stares pain in the face and says if failure is in my future at least I truly loved, or are you the one that speaks half truths by objectifying the sweet nectars that love provides yet only donate the bare minimum